You didn't Ask

You didn’t ask me if I’d walk beside you in the dark,
You didn’t ask you wept it out - and so I held your hand;
Those frightful nights when cliffs were all you saw
And falling off them didn’t seem a long way down.
You didn’t ask, and yet my footprints glow beside yours
As the light emerges after nighttime pain.

You didn’t ask me if I’d hold your hands in mine,
You didn’t ask but cried for help - and so I held on tight;
As tears of fear and rain of angst assaulted you
Burying you in the rubble of your choices.
Your life fallen round your ankles.
You didn’t ask, and yet I run my finger with a smile
Along the fingernail marks etched into my palms.

You didn’t ask me if I’d hurt when you hurt,
Break when you broke,
Cry when tears tumbled from your soul
-And yet I did that too..
I wept those tears of blood and pain
and hurt for you

And now, all pieces neatly picked up in your heart,
All stones thrown out and thorns so gently plucked,
You tell me I’ve no right to ask to have a say in where I walk.

Don't ask me how I'm doing.

You say you're going to miss me. You say this is going to be the hardest thing you've ever done. You say you don't know how you'll cope being away from me. You ask me if there's anything you should feel bad or guilty for.

But in truth, what you're really saying is "Tell me you'll be my doormat - waiting for my return, and tell me it's okay to do to you what I just did."

You want me to justify for you, the same actions I asked you about.

Did you ASK me how I felt about your trip? No.

Did you ASK me if I was okay with you being away, if I would be okay with the distance? No.

Did you consider for a moment, how this would impact me? No.

How do I know you didn't? Because I asked you. I asked you - did it cross your mind for just a moment if I would like to come with? And your reply was No. For reasons X and Y and Z and P and Q. No. You didn't answer politely, you shouted at me, you became angry, said how dare I question you?

So my reply to you is simple - Silence.

Silence, I've learnt, speaks volumes. What I would like to say to you, I cannot.
I want to tell you - "how dare you question me?"  I want to say "How dare you, after all we've been through, do this to me without even the courtesy of considering how I feel, and then turn around and expect me to justify your wrong actions. How dare you promise me a trip and then simply "announce that you'll be going - and someone else will be going with you. How dare you then assume that I HAVE to be okay with it, HAVE to support you with it, HAVE to accept that this is OKAY?

Too much is not okay with me.

Far too much.

27km in 3.5hours!

What a morning!!

Crawled along at less than 1 kph, stop start stop start. My poor clutch!!

Truly my record worst - 27 kilometers in 3.5hours! UNBELIEVABLE!!

Just what I need!!

If I could say what I'd love today, it would be this -

To sit at this exact spot and watch this sunrise, and let those rays bounce around me. I can smell the dust of the earth and the green of the grass, and feel the cooling afternoon breeze on my skin already, if I look close enough. I'd want to be wearing a beautiful flowing, floral dress, down to my feet, the softest, pink scarf and matching little cashmere cardigan, and sneekers - whiter than white, unafraid to be blackened by the earth. Next to me, I'd like a book, and a tray, with a tea-cup and a gorgeous, decadent slice of cake.. .....

Oh.. how divine!

I've decided I'd love some green tea, with a dash of lemon and lots of honey.. so hold in my hands as i gaze at that sunset..

                                       This is the scarf I'd wear - soft and floating, and gently lifting in the lightest breeze..

This is the dress I'd like - to curl around me in a deliciously feminine way..

                                          A lovely, soft, cashmere cardigan to keep away the nip - left open so that my heart too is open to  
                                                                               the beauty of that creation..

                                                                             I know just what I'd like to be reading !!

I'd like something special, that's different, that's "ME"

                                             And this would be the type of road I'd walk along to reach home again..

OH NOW THAT was a wonderful thought!!

Beautiful Shoes

This one's in honour of a beautiful sista - who loves beautiful shoes - these two are the most beautiful I've seen so far. (Shoes, not sistas!)

With 18 karat gold heels and hand-dyed silk petals, these shows also boast a pure gold bee, with onyx and agate. Not too bad at (urgh) US dollar - 27,945

Christian Louboutin - couldn't find a price on this one! It's in his Winter 2011 Collection, that's as much as I can tell you. Guess its not available to the "average girl"

Trusting..a tall order

I've been doing much soul-searching.
I've been doing much praying.
I've decided it's time to stop with the swaying.
it's time to be grounded,
time to just know,
time to stand firm,
time to let go.

It's time to give in
to the power within,
to the power of God,
and the knowledge in HIM.
I don't have the answers,
I don't have them all,
I don't have too many of answers at all!

So I've been doing much turning
towards that true source,
the ONE that is only,
the ONE that's seen worse.
He knows of my dark clouds,
He knows of the sun,
He knows of opression,
and that's never won..
not really,
not ever,
not right at the end..
and so it's in HIM
that I trust to defend.

I've been doing much soul-searching.
I've been doing much praying.
I've decided it's time to stop with the swaying.
it's time to be grounded,
time to just know,
time to stand firm,
time to let go.
And I find that I'm calm,
that I feel ocean breeze,
I feel warmth in the sunshine,
I feel much tensione eaze..
It's time to start KNOWING,
to KNOW That I KNOW,
To look to the past and see how I've grown.
To see that my pain, and my sorrow has been
just the seed that is dying,
to the growth from within.

Today is a good day,
a day filled with calm,
with light and with goodness,
and "I don't give a damn"
Cause I know that HE's watching -
my ONE and my TRUTH..
he has been, since childhood,
through birth and through youth.
I'm holding the ropes,
as the angels surround me
I'm looking UP now,
and I'm glad that HE's found me..

Subhanallah.

I spoke with God today

I spoke with God today.

I wondered where and when and why..

I asked him why I cry.

I fell upon my face and lay prostrate,

And shed those tears into the hands of angels..

I spoke with God today,

I asked him who and how and if,

I told him why I came.

I lay my heart open at His mercy’s Gate,

And told him that I do not wish to carry hate..

I spoke with God today,

I shared my thoughts with him,

And told Him to decide.

I did not ask for patience or the courage to endure,

For surely tests would follow,

And I cannot bear no more..

I spoke with God today,

I beared my soul and strife,

And it will be okay in the end..

Whatever be this Life.

We writes it all in ink so clear,

And only prayer can change it.

So I will pray and hold on tight

To ropes the angels gave me.

I’ll walk in hope, a longer while..

I’ll give from him, some more of love

For in me, more, there is none.

Copyright@2011 LifeScents101